its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sext me about skeletons
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize