Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
