gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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