Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
