Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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