Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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