Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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