:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
