I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
