ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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