Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
