you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
