The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize