you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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