Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
