carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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