Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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