They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
