hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
