He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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