every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
