so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were destined to go to rehab together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
