I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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