May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
