That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
