Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
