from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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