I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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