I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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