Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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