my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
