she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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