I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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