was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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