if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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