Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
