im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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