would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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