i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
