i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
