dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
