OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
