just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
