literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
