google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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