I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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