dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
