Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
