HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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