there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
