guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
