I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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