He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
