The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
