if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize