Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
