Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
