I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
