guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
