did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
