Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
