I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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