I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
