oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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