Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
