I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize