He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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