i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
