The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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