i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
