At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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