i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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