id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
