Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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