i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
