Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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