I got chris browned last night
I want to have your abortion
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
