The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
